My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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