I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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