I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
