She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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