and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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