I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
