i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
