There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
