I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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