is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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