so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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