how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
