This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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