nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
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Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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