I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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