Dual....:-)
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
