a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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