She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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