You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
