Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
