wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
