Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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