OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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