Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
