the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
