Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
