i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
