He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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