I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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