Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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