He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
