dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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