I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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