Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
