my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
