I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
