This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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