Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Found the puke drawer
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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