I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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