Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
