We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
