she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
