apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
