I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
