Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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