I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
