At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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