just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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