Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
