mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
