We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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