And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
