handjob tips. give me some.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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