ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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