i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
