turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
