Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
