she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
