I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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