Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
