Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
