I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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