I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
