Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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