I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
