Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
