i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
