I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You can't just leave with hair like that
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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