The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
