I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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