Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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